Tears are not a measure of love

For a long time, until only recently, I thought there was something wrong with me when my Pop died, and I did not cry. I cried deeply, sobbed in fact, when my Grandma passed. I felt a deep sense of release when the tears fell down my cheeks. All my emotions of Grief began to spill out over my face. Ironically, I found comfort in my ability to cry. And so, I found myself in a very unusual place when my Pop died, and no tears were present.

At first, I thought it was because I was given the task, by my family, to lead his service, and that I had to be focused and hold it all together. After the service I expectantly waited for the tears. Yet they failed to come.
I loved my Pop dearly and would regularly take my own children (his great-grandchildren) down to visit him by the beach.

After months of reflection, I have learnt this; Firstly, tears although incredibly relieving, are not a measure of love, instead Grief is. Grief is only experienced when Love is present. I discovered it is losing someone you Love which causes you to experience Grief. Secondly, Grief is displayed differently on anyone who journeys along its path. Grief is muddled with a range of emotions and reactions. And thirdly, Grief is messy. I desperately wanted to cry, but what I did find instead was uneasiness. Uneasy, as I believed there was something wrong with me for not crying.

I have since realised that not all broken hearts cry and that instead these emotions manifest in other ways. My Pop was an artist, and it is since his passing that I have discovered a love of art like never before. Perhaps those tears are saved for a day where I stand before a beautiful painting and finally cry.